Christina Robertson’s husband Ian was a part of the YMATH team in February. And when he returned she struggled with feeling left behind; and then realized she could allow herself to be transformed from his experience as well.
Ian left for Hati and returned seven days later. Twenty-four hours after he returned we were on the road driving up to Big Bear for a family vacation. Two days later, we were driving home and I found myself processing some very honest words out loud.
“I think I’m a little jealous of Haiti.”
“Why?”
“Because you can’t go on a trip like that and not come home changed. I didn’t get to be a part of that process.”
He responded, “You are now.”
I told him a few days later, that I didn’t think he realize how powerful his response was. Those three words spoke deep to my heart. With those three words, Ian invited me to be apart of this experience. Trips and experiences like these can be hard for the loved ones that stay home. They can hear stories and see a few pictures, but they weren’t there. They didn’t experience the smells, hear the cries, see the tears, or feel the heartbreaks. It is through those senses that lives are changed. So how can we join them in this life change?
1. Be sensitive and prepare your heart.
Although their experience began the moment they got on a plane, your experience begins the moment they get home. Keep in mind, they are tired. Their hearts are raw. Yes, it’s so good to have them home, but give them space to readjust. I know when Ian came home, there was a breath of relief that life was back to normal. The only thing is, to really commit to joining him on this experience, “normal” might have to change a little.
2. Ask questions, listen, and give space for processing.
During our time in Big Bear, Ian spent a lot of time on his phone emailing and reading his teammates blogs. At first I was annoyed. “Be present,” I demanded. Then he shared how difficult it was to look at a table layered with junk food when just 48 hours ago he was at a tent city that had not seen food or medical a month after the earthquake. It was then I realized how essential it was for him to continue to process with his teammates. Re-entry takes time. I needed to demand less, and listen more to truly understand where he was coming from and what he was feeling.
3. Listen to stories from others that were on the trip.
The more perspectives you can hear from the trip, the fuller understanding you can gain. Ian went to Haiti with nine others. They all experienced this trip through different lenses. By reading their blogs and following their twitters, I heard different stories, different emotions, and different observations. This gave me more of the story. This also allowed me to connect with the rest of the team and get to know those who shared life with my husband for one week in Haiti.
